Elvista, CA- Hundreds of the best known names in Hollywood gathered today at the studios of renowned film producer Oliver Stone after word leaked out that auditions were being held for the cast of a new movie depicting the recent shooting in Arizona that killed six and wounded 14 more including congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords (D-Az).
A source at the scene described the mood as "oddly festive" as the gathered throng waited to be called infront of three judges whose job was to narrow the field to more manageable numbers for the upcoming movie. The movie - which is tentatively titled "No Loughner Matter" after the alleged shooter Jared Lee Loughner- is set to be be released before the first anniversary of the shooting in 2012, according to the source.
"I thought I was on the stage of American Idol," the informant said. "You walk into the room, they hand you a one paragraph script and you recite the lines. If you get it right, they give you a date to come back for what they call a final audition."
Among those in top contention to play the congresswoman is Hollywood alumni Gwyneth Paltrow who this weekend claimed a personal stake in the incident when she declared that Giffords was a close family member whom she had never met.
“ I've seen her on C-SPAN 1 a couple of times. She's has some good hair. I guess it runs in the family,” Paltrow said to a group of fans who turned up at her Malibu home to offer comfort after news of the shooting started trickling in Saturday night.
Ms. Paltrow, who was on her way to take her dog Fifi for a walk at an exclusive country club park where she is a member, assured the anxious crowd that she was in good health.
"Don't worry about me," she said. "Me and Fifi will be just fine. My 24 hour security detail is doing an excellent job."
She urged the crowd to keep her in their prayers.
"I don't care about any of the millions of dollars I will be paid if I get to play the lead role in any upcoming movie. Who knows, if I work hard enough they might even turn this into a sequel!"
Not to mention a musical on Broadway, she added.
Refusing to be outdone, ordinary Americans are trying to cash in on the situation in what one Arizonan described as a “brisk” cottage industry revolving around the shooting.
“People are selling t shirts, bumper stickers, towels- you name it,” said the Arizonan who refused to be named because of trademark issues.
The Arizonan said he had seen several slogans spring up in the ensuing aftermath of the shooting.
"Two heads are better than one", and "I did not duck because I did not want lose my hat" are some of the bestsellers, added the Arizonan.
In another development, a man who claimed to have been born in the same hospital as the shooter claimed today he always had a bad feeling about Loughner.
“I always had my suspicions about that guy. Don't know why, I just did,” said the now 22 year old Bill Mastikovic of Phoenix, Arizona who last saw Loughner at a peewee football game about a decade ago. He added that he hopes actor Leonardo DiCaprio will get a role in the movie so he can play the role of Mastikovic.
“I am confident Oliver Stone will include something in the script about me trying to lead Loughner down the right path,” he added.
Meanwhile, the right wing of the Republican Party strongly denounced the alleged shooter after a tweeter message from an unidentified source claimed that Loughner might have Mexican blood in him after it emerged that he (Loughner) had a weakness for Mexican cuisine.
“You know I was begining to like this kid,” a prominent Republican operative said on condition of anonymity. “Now he is on his own.”
(Additional reporting by John O'Hare in El Paso, Texas.)
1 comment:
I wonder who will play Glen Beck? Hopefully he can put on a Halloween mask and play himself.
Great post as usual. Keep 'em coming!
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