Stay out of Arizona: math prodigy warned

TUCSON,Ariz.- This has been a week that has seen Gov. Jan Brewer (R-Ariz.) wallow determinedly into a swampland of political gaffes and missteps. Most campaigns would at this point take a step back, reevaluate their message and hope that their candidate does not commit any more faux pas.

Apparently, Ms. Brewer did not get that memo.

In what political observers are describing as unprecedented and mind boggling, the governor earlier today issued a cliche filled warning to Arran Fernandez, a 15-year-old mathematics prodigy who is set to become the youngest undergraduate student at the University of Cambridge in England.

The warning read in part:
 

I will not in my capacity as the governor shark (sic) my responsibilities by allowing  another Mexican to take away an educational opportunity from struggling Americans. I have a duty to make sure that this Fernandez kid should not be allowed to cross the border on his way to Cambridge. I am therefore asking all  law enforcement officers to arrest this kid as soon as they lay eyes on him. Or if they smell a rat.

This kid might be as smart as a whip and might be in the limelight at the moment but him and his kind have for too long been sucking dry our tit which is dripping with the milk of human kindness. That is why I am not beating around the bush-or should I say the Arizona desert- any longer. I want this whizz kid arrested on first sight.

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It will be hard, even impossible for the Brewer campaign to explain how or why the governor assumed that Fernandez is a Mexican who is trying to enter the country illegally. Even more baffling is the governor's assumption that Cambridge is an American university.

Did she confuse the world acclaimed college with a similarly named city in Massachusetts? Hard to speculate as information coming from her camp is sketchy and hard to verify.

A spokesman for Hernandez declined comment saying only that the teen is currently in talks with the British royal family who have offered to adopt him after news of his admission to Cambridge started filtering in.

"The Queen is deeply disappointed with the current crop of  relatives that she has to provide for everyday ," the spokesman said speaking on the condition of anonymity because of the sensitive nature of the conversation.

"But so long as my name is David Kenworthy, I will continue making sure that what the Queen wants, the queen will get," he added.

Meanwhile, in an effort to stem the growing menace of tardiness spreading over the north east, the goverment is urging Americans to flip over their calender pages at the end of each month.

(Additional reporting by Adrian KilPatrick in Hawaii.)